As I previously discussed in an earlier journal post, I lost my health insurance on March 31 when my standard 18 months of COBRA coverage ran out. I faced a huge conundrum because the school district (Dante's Inferno level 14) gave me 10 days official warning and no information regarding programs available post COBRA. Strike one - a personal insurance policy would cost me a fortune and provide enough coverage to last about two weeks. Strike two - I am in appeal with Social Security so Medicare is out. Strike Three - Medicaid required a three month process of submitting documentation and waiting for some grand governmental diety to determine if I am indeed disabled before I could receive any services let alone the cost due to me making too much money. But God never accepts a strike out. There is a little clause that the school district (may they enjoy their spot in the Inferno) never notified me of which states that if you are disabled when you start COBRA or become disabled while on COBRA you can apply for an extension of coverage at the end of the 18 months. I found this little tidbit out doing research online. Strike one - they require a letter from social security and I am in appeals. Strike Two - the school district hates me with a passion and would hate to have to give me more benefits. However, I was able to establish that given that social security is in appeal, a letter from them is impossible to obtain, and so we went with documentation from my medical team. My neurologist is my hero because he wrote the most kick butt letter listing out every diagnosis I have and explaining that I am 100% medically disabled and severely disabled. Less than a week after them receiving this letter I received a letter in the mail. I HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE AGAIN!!!!! It is for 11 months, so it ends February 28, 2012 but that gives us so much more time to work on things!!! ANd the miracle continues - I never had to pay a large sum of money for a prescription, I never had to stop taking a medication because I could not afford it, and I never had to go without necessary medical care!!! God ROCKS!!! I was terrified as I watched my medication supply deplete and knowing I could not afford to purchase the next refill. I was wondering if I would survive long enough for Medicaid to decide I was disabled or if the lack of medication would prove the point before then. To be blunt I was scared of dying and I feel like I have been given back my chance at living again. I know it sounds dramatic, but my health care and medications literally keep me alive. Thank you to everyone who prayed, who offered good thoughts, and who cared. I burst into tears when I read the letter because it was such a weight lifted and fears dissipated. Such a lesson in the fact that God provides exactly when it is needed and I should have trusted all along instead of wasting my time on fear.

For two and a half years I worked for a large public school system in Virginia as a special education teacher. Our schools were site based managed which translates to the principals having absolute power over everything that happens at the school, with little accountability. To demonstrate this effect on student learning, let me compare two different elementary schools that I taught at. School One received a high percentage of students who did not speak English upon entering the school system and who tended to be a migratory population. Over 80% of students received free or reduced priced lunches, and it was not uncommon for entire families to live in single rooms of homes shared by multiple famillies. Special education numbers were relatively high. School Two was in an upperclass neighborhood where children entered with a high percentage of students having received a private early childhood education. A vast majority of students were fluent in English as a first language, less than 20% of students received free or reduced priced lunches, and the population tended to be stable. School One consistently performed higher than expected on standardized tests, and higher than most other elementary schools in the district including School Two. School Two had just average performance on standardized tests. School one had a culture of great teachers working together for the benefit of our children. School Two had a culture of every man for himself. School one put into place the resources the children required to learn including an ESL teacher for each grade level, a Spanish speaking assistant in each class in lower elementary, a highly accessible guidance counselor, and a school social worker who helped families access resources. School Two used resources for fancy technological resources and placed the blame for test failure on the students. At the first teacher's meeting of the year pictures were shown of students who had failed and "should have passed". The principal was an ineffective leader and an entire grade level had quit the year before I taught at that school. Teacher turnover was high and teacher collaboration was low.
In terms of poorly used resources, I can attest to the resources provided to my special education classes and purchased with school finances yet obviously given no thought. As a preschool special education teacher I had no need for the stacks of lined writing paper I received, or the scissors (heaven help me if I give a three year old standard scissors!), or the folders, or the binders, or the pencils (in fact we had our pencil sharpener removed so little fingers could not explore) or poster paints. What we needed and had to beg, borrow, and steal to get were things like construction paper, finger paint, velcro, batteries, and cleansing wipes. My classroom for children with multiple and severe disabilities had more writing paper, crayons, markers, scissors, notebooks, pencils, workbooks (!), glue, and poster paint than I could have used in three general education classrooms but we had no batteries for our battery operated toys and switch devices, no cleansing wipes, no adapted writing devices, no slant boards, no devices for the visually impaired, no construction paper, only three working push button communication devices for a class of 7 nonverbal students (so 3 at a time could communicate), no adapted computer until I brought in items I had received from a grant while teaching preschool, no velcro, etc. Each year I taught I spent an average of at least $500 of my own money to supplement the resources, or lack of resources, provided to me by the school district.
These are just some examples from just two and a half years of teaching. My teaching was interrupted by becoming disabled, but had I not I was planning on quitting with the district at the end of the third year with School Two even though I would have obtained the almighty tenure because I was so disillusioned. I was looking into private schools for children with disabilities that were less constrained by the public school attitude towards special education, where children came first regardless of perceived ability.

This evening I curled up on the couch with my laptop and favorite blanket and watched the documentary Waiting for "Superman". I must first note my potential bias as having been a teacher and having a vested interest in the education system. That said, this documentary was heartwrenching in capturing the failure of the American education system. No child or family should have to pin their hopes on receiving a decent education on a lottery drawing because everyone from the parents in the neighborhood to the administration at the school know the local school is no place for a child. When money has failed and legislation has failed, thank you No Child Left Untested (No Child Left Behind) then something else must change. What worked 50 years ago is not going to work today. The first thing that every teacher, administrator, policy maker and legislator must agree upon is the belief that every single child regardless of preconceived notions of failure is fully capable of learning and succeeding. The next thing that  needs to be done is to get rid of the obstacles to radical change. Teachers unions are far too powerful in their ability to cripple efforts to make radical changes to how we educate children. I do disagree with merit based pay based upon the current assessment system as the testing completed is prejudiced against ESL learners, children with disabilities, and children from different backgrounds. I am all for eliminating tenure and making teaching like every other job - if you fail to do your job up to expectations then you lose your job. No free rides just because you made it through two or three years. We need to look at the schools that are succeeding, the radical schools that are breaking all the rules and defying all of the odds and learn from them. If we don't start to apply the lessons they offer to us, we are soon going to cease to be a superpower in the world due to a lack of educated populace. I would totally recommend this movie for any parent, anyone who cares about a child, or anyone who cares about the future of our society.

I learned something new and critical to life today. The moment I utter the words "Oh no thank you, I've got it." whatever object I am referring to will come to life and voraciously launch itself as far from my body as is possible. The items become projectiles in a show of willpower and supremacy of inanimate objects over my ability to contain them. I went shopping at the magical, amazing local bookstore today and had my usual stack of books on my lap. A kind person asked me if I needed help with my items and I repliec "Oh no thanks, I've got it but I appreciate the offer." A minute later those books were flying as if possessed by literary demons and scattered in a semicircle around me as if a small explosive device had detonated. Now blushing, I collected the books from the floor with much difficulty and much shame. After purchasing my newest treasures (I had a gift card left over from Christmas- bonus!) I decided to visit the Starbucks at the store because it is the closest thing to a real coffee shop I can get to in this town. As the cashier handed me a tray with my Italian Soda and Banana nut muffin on it she asked if I wanted her to carry it to the table for me. I once again replied "Oh no thanks, I can get it but thank you for offering. Three rolls later and everything goes sliding forward at terminal velocity. Somehow by slimming my knees up as high as possible considering my feet are strapped down, jerking the chair backwards, and grabbing for my drink I manage the world's most ungraceful save and only encounter minor whiplash. I saved the Starbucks, which is the most important thing because a spilled Starbucks is worth crying over! So it seems that people asking me if they can help triggers some switch in the universe that causes my objects to scatter with great speed. So now I know if someone asks me if I need help and I say I am fine I should immediately secure all items in their full and upright positions and prepare for turbulance. :)

I do believe that the world has gone insane, and our government is leading the way. Two weeks ago I sent in the eighteen page pamphlet to apply for Medicaid, thus becoming complicit in the deforesting of an acre of rainforest. I called today because my insurance runs out on March 31 and I am becoming a little anxious here. It turns out that the program the social worker feels I best qualify for requires me to fill our more paperwork, because one acre of rainforest is just for sissies, and then send it to the state capital for them to decide if I am disabled. If I am then bonus, I have health insurance. If they deny it then I am screwed. The best part is that this is usually a three month process. Right. I tried to explain to her that I don't have three months, hell I don't have three weeks and she said to get samples from my doctors. Because doctors give out three months of samples of medications that cost $650 a month or injections that cost over $1500. Apparently if you are disabled and most in need of medical insurance they figure you can afford to wait three months to get it. So soon I will be picking and choosing which medications I purchase, discontinuing Botox until further notice, and avoiding labwork and doctors offices like the plague. There is one last ditch effort I can make to try and get insurance to continue and I plan on trying what I call plan desperate tomorrow.
Just for fun, this time after the Botox injections I ran into a slight complication. OK slight as in one of the injection sights became wickedly infected. No I did not go to a doctor, I bandaged it at home until finally I called the neurologist who did the injections because it was swollen, red, the size of a quarter and had an open sore in the center. Charming, I know. He gave me some directions and it seems like it may be slowly healing. I have had severe cellulitis before when an angry ghetto spider bit me in Pittsburgh, so I know what to look for and how much it sucks. That time I looked like I was smuggling a golf ball under my skin and there was a fun red line wrapping up my arm. This is no where near that bad. Although I do want to bring in the next of kin for the ghetto spider for questioning, just to rule them our for revenge. :)
Last time I promised a more up beat and witty entry and well, you can thank the Government for the fact that that one didn't arrive yet. I will try again later this week.

Yesterday was round three of the Botox injections, and hopefully not the last. Hopefully whatever replacement I find for my ending health insurance will cover Botox as it has been a tremendous benefit and provided relief. The photograph above is of the very old EMG machine used to check and make sure the Botox needle is in the right location prior to injecting medication. I liked the creepy mad scientist look it gave in the photo. :)
So the injections went as well as can be expected, and I am actually grateful for the fact that I have sensory loss in my legs because looking at him using the muscle to bend the needle back behind my shin bone it occurred to me that this should probably be painful. Yes, I supervise and watch because when anyone is coming at my body with a needle that size I prefer to monitor exactly what they are doing with it. Plus it is a control thing. I am noticing a pattern though. All three times after the injections I have crashed within a relatively short period of time. Yesterday was the shortest as I was not out of the office building and I was starting to feel dreadful. We stopped to get me something to drink so I could load up on meds, and then I focused on breathing during the hour and a half long drive back to my house. The drive sucked. By the time I got home I was beyond pale with a lite tint of green around the edges but I had managed not to vomit in my Dad's truck, for which I think I deserve bonus points. I was knocked out pretty much for the rest of the day. Today I am hung over not just from the crash but the day after Botox hangover - sore weak muscles, flu like feeling, low grade fever. I slept until noon today, woke up long enough for a cup of coffee, and then slept until 4:30pm. I will try writing a more witty, insightful, and informative entry some time this weekend but I am exhausted and foggy from the combo hangover. My poor legs look like I went to a fencing contest in Lilliput and lost. Thank you for all the prayers and support!! I am so blessed!