Unlike the world's cutest now eight year old pictured above, I can only fall asleep sitting up on the rarest of occasions. In fact, tonight I can not sleep period. I feel like a character in a bad Dr. Seuss book on sleep.
"I can not got to sleep tonight
My sleeping thing is just not right.
I could not, would not in the bed
Not with a fancy pillow for my head
I could not, would not on the couch
That left me feeling like a grouch
I could not, would not on the floor
I can't get down there anymore
I could not, would not with my iPod
Not even after I politely asked God
I could not, would not with a guy
Well only cause none showed up for me to try
I could not, would not count the sheep
They went on strike with Little Bo Peep
I could not, would not with the prescription drugs
At maximum dosage I am not even buzzed
I just can not go to sleep tonight
And by now I am quite a fright
Please sleep let me try you out for a while
Insomnia is not my style!"

As if bad rhyming ala Dr. Seuss was not enough, you now get the priceless opportunity to read whatever comes floatng from the muck and the mire to the front of my addled brain and out my fingers. I probably should not have internet access when dealing with insomnia!


Randomimity

* I actually had to speak the phrase "Excuse me ma'am but could you please retrieve your dog from my leg" this week in the elevator. Apparently her dog did not have a banana in his pocket but was in fact very excited to see me and hopped right up on my foot rests and decided my leg made a hot afternoon date. I just thank God it was a miniature something and not a Great Dane!

* When picking up prescriptions at the pharmacy, the pharmacy tech sees me and automatically goes over to the spot for my last name and searches through it. We hit the motherload as he returned with a sack of meds. The sad part was when he asked me if ten sounded right for the number of prescriptions, not only did I have no idea if that was correct (God Bless Automatic Refills) but I also knew I would be back in a week or so for more.

*According to Social Security I am not considered Disabled. This sucks Ostrich Eggs and means we have to go through an appeal. It also makes me wonder how much more screwed up I need to be to qualify! I honestly think the problem is the lack of a cut and dry diagnosis. That and they are all could use some preparation H in a jumbo tub.

* While at the mall last week, I politely informed a man who kept stepping in front of me that I would not hesitate to run him over. He said I needed a horn, to which I replied he needed a rearview mirror to check before lane changes.

* I am such a total geek/nerd. With the iTunes gift cards I received for Christmas I have been downloading documentaries that I never get to see in a theater because I live in The Middle of Nowhere, Michigan. Just like I prefer nonfiction books to fiction books, I prefer documentaries to regular movies.

* I scared and confused the crap out of a small child while shopping at the mall. There was an item hanging from a high rack that I wanted and no one anywhere to be found willing to help me. However, there was a child about three or four years old staring at me intently from the child seat of a shopping cart. So I did my "Amazing Standing Cripple" act and unbuckled my feet, undid my seatbelt and held on to the rack while I stood up long enough to grab what I needed. When I looked over at the poor child she had a look of pure confusion and shock on her tiny features that in all honesty was hilarious to me. I want to hear how her mommy explained that one to her!

My brain has no inherent circadian rhythm. Without the support of (expensive) medications, I do not follow anything that comes close to a 24 hour sleep wake cycle. This poses difficulty when trying to exist in a world that seems rather attached to its 24 hour clock system. It is especially ironic that the same issue that makes it almost impossible to function during the day without medical support also frequently causes frustrating and challenging insomnia at night. I can never independently fully wake up or fully fall asleep. I would like to request repairs be made as that has to be covered under the 50 year, 50,000 mile warranty. :)
So tonight I can not fall asleep. I have tried all of the usual tricks. I laid quietly and listened to an audio book, and while I learned a great deal about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder I learned nothing about sleeping. I listened to soothing, calm classical music and remembered why I hate riding in elevators with built in speakers. Since the idea of warm milk just creeps me out, I had hot ginger tea (awesome tea with ginger, vanilla, and coconut). I even tried counting sheep but that never works for me. I start out all right, but then I start to ponder why it is sheep you are supposed to count instead of anything else. Sheep are not particularly cute animals, nor do they tend to be pleasant smelling. Why not count hummingbirds, or butterflies, or cows jumping over the moon, purple elephants, or frog bumps on a log? Then my imagination becomes bored and so my sheep start appearing in costume - frilly tutus, flapper girl dresses, tuxedos, kilts, etc. By that point I have lost count and am still wide awake.
I have tried sleeping with my head at the head of the bed, at the foot of the bed, and diagonally across the bed. I have done the frustrated sleeper rotisserie where you turn every few minutes from front to side to back to side and back to front. I have read chapters of Awakenings (ironic title, I know) and besides feeling even more assured that trying LDopa was not a good option, I am no closer to sleep than when I woke up this morning. So I have decided sleep is for sissies. I am going to use my hours of sleeplessness to accomplish something - what I am still a little foggy about but I am not going to continue the cycle of a sheep fashion show and sleep rotisserie any more. I will do something productive until my brain figures out that it is dark outside, and it is late, and that on the schedule is this sleep stuff. Anyone for some hot chocolate? :)