It is a wise man who said that there is no greater inequality than the equal treatment of unequals.
      - Justice Felix Frankfurter

This time of year, with so many graduations taking place, I decided to write about the accommodations that I received from Vanderbilt University through their Opportunity Development Center because of my medical issues. The first major accommodation was that I was provided a copy of the professor's lecture notes or power point slides before class began. This was because taking notes is difficult for me; I lack the fine motor skills to write at any speed for any length of time and even typing can become tiresome. The school offered a note taking service, but I found this lacking because of several reasons: 1) Handwriting, 2) the notes did not have to be turned in until a week after a class session making it difficult to study for tests, and 3) what one person needed to note may not be what I needed to note.I was also allowed to tape record class sessions to review at a later date and improve my notes. One professor even allowed me to leave a tape recorder with one of her TAs who would record the class session for me if I was absent.
The second major accommodation was for taking exams. I took all of my exams by computer with extended testing time. I used a computer because of the previously mentioned difficulty with writing. The extended testing time was to allow for the speed of typing and for any glitches such as printers getting stuck. Some Profs had me take the test via laptop in the classroom, some had me use a computer at the ODC, and others had me use one of several computers in a small never utilized lab.
The third major accommodation was transportation on campus. At that time I was unable to walk on the hilly campus from one side to the other (a good mile) in the time allowed between classes. An offer was made to purchase a power wheelchair for me, but I refused because I wanted to maintain as much independence as possible. So after a LOT of problem solving, the university arranged to have the medical shuttles transport me from one side of campus to the other and back again on schedule with my classes. A few times I was forgotten and left stranded some place but overall it worked well.
The fourth major accommodation was student housing. Freshman year I was supposed to have a single (one person) dorm room in a dorm with elevators and washer/dryer. I ended up on the 3rd floor of a walk up dorm. When I tried to talk to my RA about this, she told me that there was no way a change would be made and basically to suck it up and deal. She also told me I would not last through the first semester. I wanted to pin my first semester 4.0 report card to her forehead. So when housing arrangements for Sophomore year came around, I had to meet with the dean of housing. It turns out he had accidentally put me in the walk up dorm and would have fixed it immediately; he even offered to fix it then but it was the beginning of April and school ended the beginning of May. So I was allowed first pick of the dorm rooms prior to the lottery assignment system due to my medical needs, and I chose a single (one person) dorm room with a private bathroom. It was the largest of the 3 rooms like this on campus. I needed special housing because of the need to sleep during the day, the need to reduce germ exposure, and the need to have my own bathroom for bladder problems, I was able to keep this room for the remainder of my time in college.
The fifth and final major accommodation was with the class registration system. Because when I selected classes, I carefully planned out a schedule with time for breaks and rest in between class sessions, I needed to be accepted into the course numbers and sections I selected. So the computer system was given a code with my name that guaranteed I would be allowed enrollment in any course I requested. This way I could not be bumped to another section meeting at another time, or wait listed for a course.
These accommodations did not give me an unfair advantage, instead they helped level the playing field with my peers so that I could perform to the best of my ability without symptoms of my illness/disability limiting my abilities. There are many more accommodations that someone with a disability can request if necessary, including having textbooks on tape, having exams read to them, using dictation for exams and papers, visual door bells for someone with a hearing impairment, braille textbooks, and wheelchair accessible dorm rooms.

I made a perfect batch of pancakes for dinner, and was singing and "dancing" to celebrate this accomplishment. You have to understand that I have issues with pancakes, or rather pancakes have issues with me. I first learned to cook pancakes way, way back when I was in high school at the house of one of my best friends. Cooking was done for survival in my house growing up, not for enjoyment. So my friend and her family were shocked that my cooking list at age 16 was limited to spaghetti, scrambled eggs, grilled cheese, ramen, and anything microwaved. Thus they added pancakes to the list. The last time I made pancakes was back in high school. I have my family attitude that overall cooking is a lot of work and is done for survival, although recently I have learned how to cook many new things and been successful. So after I moved into my apartment I decided I would have an "easy" homecooked dinner and make buckwheat pancakes for dinner. Once the smoke cleared and the smoke alarms stopped sounding about 30 minutes later, all of my neighbors knew that I had managed to singe a batch of pancakes. For weeks I had little old ladies coming up to me and asking me how my pancakes turned out. Cute granny, real cute. So then I won an electric griddle at a Christmas party I attended with my Stepmom and thought that maybe the issue with the pancakes was the frying pan from before I was born that I had used. Another batch of buckwheat pancakes was mixed up and although I dodged setting off the smoke detectors this time, my success was still null. I mumbled inappropriate words under my breath as I threw the package of unused mix away and swore off pancakes. Until today. I had purchased Bisquik pancake mix, the simple and no frills not so good for you but hell of a lot easier to use stuff I grew up on, and I decided it was time for the third and final go round with pancakes. I also should mention that cooking just about anything is a huge endeavor as it is because my kitchen is a standard small galley kitchen and nothing is modified for a wheelchair. I can stand for short periods of time, but too long and my legs turn funny colors and I lose the ability to keep them under me. Cooking is an extreme sport. So using the Bisquik and the electric griddle I made a complete batch of perfect pancakes - not one was burned, not one was too doughy!! I have leftovers in the fridge to microwave tomorrow and leftovers frozen for another time. I was a pancake making marvel. I proved that I could do it, and I had a delicious dinner at the same time. And in the end, you know it was about so much more than the pancakes.

Recently I have purchased several TV series seasons on DVD because 1) there is never anything decent on TV when I have a "turn" to change it from HGTV (my mother is addicted - is there HGTV addicts anonymous? A 12 step program? Detox? Anything???) and 2) the couch is about as comfortable as a park bench, so with DVDs I can curl up in bed and watch them. My choices, however, seem to show that I am a freak obsessed with things forbidden to most Christians...that I am being lured to the "dark side" where Darth Vader awaits me. My DVD movies I bought include a two disc special edition of The Nightmare before Christmas, which I immediately snatched up because last year my incredible friend and I spent weeks trying to find a copy of it so she could educate me on the magic of Tim Burton, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, which I know is heartbreaking but is a story that is powerful and needs to be told to new generations, and I still love my copy of RENT live on Broadway. MY TV on DVD selections are TrueBlood, which I am savoring and eagerly awaiting season 2, Ghost Hunters Season 4 Part 2, Paranormal State Season 1, Emergency Season Two (old, old show about paramedics that I used to watch in reruns with my mom and that is hysterical from the current technology), and Pushing Up Daisies. Somewhere I also have the final season of Gilmore Girls on DVD that I bought over a year ago. I have always admitted to having a wicked dark sense of humor and A willingness to view the world from different perspectives and avoid judgment. Besides, another four hours of watching people debate over which shade of white (off white, antique white, true white, dusty white) paint to use or how many throw pillows is too many is far more dangerous to my psyche than some hot vampires and ghost busting!! My weekend plans - vampires, ghosts, dead people brought back to life, old TV shows, sketching, working on an impossible puzzle, reading one of the 10 books I now have scattered around the house, writing a few letters I really need to write, and enjoying the relief I seem to be getting from the newest medicine cocktail. Whoever said diamonds were a girls best friend obviously never dealt with muscles in revolt, because screw diamonds Valium, Klonopin, and pain meds are my best friends right now. I went an entire day without one of the "jerking my knee violently up and smashing it into my face" spasms yesterday, and just when my legs started to really hurt and contract again, I had just taken the Klonopin and pain med. Maybe, just maybe we have a system of meds that will offer some relief?!?! I was wondering how I could explain the inevitable bruises from my knee slamming into my face, or my joints swelling from dislocating from the severe contractions. Is it domestic violence if your body beats you up?
I realize that this journal has contained a lot about my medical situation right now, and that is not the defining feature of who I am as a person. However, at this point in my life it is a huge obstacle that I am having to adjust to and deal with on a daily basis. Keeping a record not only helps me share information with friends and family, and express my emotions, but it also helps me keep straight all of the different things going on. I am still very much my quick witted, sarcastic, take life as it comes, independent to a fault, love to laugh, passionate, dedicated, dreaming, always learning Bethany that I have always been. The obstacles in my way have just changed temporarily. Instead of being up to my elbows in diapers and laughing as my students proved to me over and over that I was truly the student and they the teacher, I am up to my elbows in a medical quagmire and I am laughing as God is proving to me over and over that I am not in control and never have been. I am not a fan of that lesson, and we debate this often - but I lose, and he laughs at my silly willfulness. Hey, He designed me this way, attitude and all. I even occasionally debate with him the concepts of justice and fairness. He lets me yell all I want before gently reminding me that earthly justice is not the same as heavenly justice, and that life comes with no money back guarantees or warranty. That in a broken world, no one is spared. And he laughs gently when I admit that I know this but it still just sucks.
This post probably makes little sense, as it is just unedited free writing as I am curled up on my bed with a dish of frozen cherries (one of my favorite treats on earth!) and an assortment of my DVDs and books. It is real, it is straight from the heart, and it is my life. And it is well, it is well with my soul.