Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
E.D.

My last post was written on one of the most difficult nights of my life, as I was helpless as my mother faught for her life following emergency surgery. For six long days she was on life support and all I could do was hold her hand and be her voice to make sure she got the care she needed and the dignity she deserved. For seven more days she required high level medical care, and I spent every single day at the hospital with her (minus two when she was on life support and I was sick). When the doctors wanted to send her to a nursing facility in the area to recover not only did Mom refuse but I politely informed them that they could do so only over my dead body and wheelchair thrown in front of the vehicle. So Mom came home with "skilled" (oh the joke!!!) home nursing care, physical therapy, and a nursing assistant. Before she left the hospital I learned how to do everything the nurses were doing for her, things I never could have imagined being able to do but love speaks another language and God provides strength enough for what you face. Its a good thing too because that "skilled" nurse was only good for providing the medical supplies we needed. It is now seven weeks later and it has been a journey of faith. Faith and hope have been our sustenance, and a wicked sense of humor that allows us to laugh at even the "tragedies" in life. God broke through Mom's stubbornness to allow me to call 911 just in time - another 30 or 60 minutes might have swung the outcome to fatal. God lined up the best surgeon, the one who uses the most modern and aggressive infection fighting techniques. God prevented her from going septic. God prevented pneumonia or blood clots as she has a clotting disorder and laying unmoving is a huge risk factor. God knit her back together from the inside out. God guided her through a process where 60% of patients die within 30 days of surgery. We are blessed. At times one or the other of us gets weary, frustrated, angry, etc. But then we remember all of the blessings, we remember how faith has fortified us and hope sustained us.
This Christmas we were unable to enter into the material aspects of the holidays. No cards were sent, no presents purchased. We did put up the two trees - a 4 foot tree and a table top 18" tree- and decorated them because Mom loves the lights and we both love the memories of the ornaments. By not geting swept up in the commercialism of this season we were able to really see all of the presents we have received - the love of family and friends, the gift of redemption, grace, mercy, hope, faith, life, memories, health, all different kinds of healing, joy, and an abundance of blessings.
My own medical issues and needs were put to one side as much as possible as I have been engaged in assisting with Mom's recovery. She is still weak, still healing. And she will undergo another surgery sometime in 6-9 months. I ran on pure adrenaline and some adjustments to my medications for far longer than I imagined. The adrenaline is now gone and I am a disaster, dealing with the effects of now and the effects of weeks ago and untended medical issues. As things get stable, I will be getting the medical services I need and trying to regain some ground I have lost. Another concern, although I am choosing to have faith in God to provide (prayers are always welcome), is that my COBRA insurance runs out the end of February. My Social Security appeal is at court level but can take 9-18 months to be determined which rules out medicare. The medicaid program I qualify for has no funding. I can afford to purchase a single person policy but there is no pharmacy coverage and you are limited to 2 dr visits per year. I do not qualify for the Obamacare Pre-existing condition insurance because I have had insurance, and you must be without insurance for 6 months prior to qualifying. I can not go 6 months without insurance. I can not go a month without prescription coverage without a high risk of mortality. Thankfully God is a God of impossibilities and moving mountains.
Now that I have a bit more down time I will try to keep my journal updated and write more. I hope everyone had a Christmas full of the gifts that are too precious to be bought, and enters into a New Year that provides them with enough of everything they need but never so much as they forget to appreciate it!