And God Laughs
I told God my plans and He laughed. So now I am living, laughing, and loving according to His Plans.

Rent a Gimp

Are you tired of people walking right past your fundraising display without even acknowledging you? Are you frustrated by people who tell you "no" time after time, even when you are using cute children to collect funds? Is the door to door routine getting tiresome? If so, have I got a deal for you. Now for a low, low price of dignity you can rent a gimp for all of your fundraising needs. One cute gimp in a wheelchair can bring in more funds for your organization in a single day than your cute walkers can in a week, with strategic placement and proper attire highlighting full gimp glory. Society may be able to say no to cute little children asking for funds for things like public schools and educational recreation, but few can pass up a gimp. So if you want the most funds for your fundraiser call Rent a Gimp today and watch the money roll in.

Please forgive my dark humor, I come by it both genetically and as a learned coping mechanism for life. My family is hysterical when we all get together, but it is often a humor that some may find slightly disturbing. My brother is a paramedic, my mother trained to be a nurse, I was a special education teacher, and both my mother and I have chronic medical issues. There is enough material there for a dark humor marathon.

Yesterday I helped my stepmother raise funds for the Disabled American Veterans, which is an organization I completely support and I would have stood there selling the ForgetMeNot flowers were I not in my wheelchair. However, I felt slightly like a fraud because I got the distinct feeling that some people thought I had been injured in combat. While I was injured in combat fighting for my darn life, it was not in a war like they are imagining. I do count as having a combat related injury because my father was exposed to Agent Orange and I have mild Spina Bifida. The only injury/illness right now that the government recognizes or acknowledges in the family members of soldiers. The DAV provided me with a loaner chair when the rented one became intolerable, and will allow us to use it as a backup chair when I get my next loaner chair from Wright and Filipis (more about that in another post - I believe it when I see it). It was cute yesterday to watch kids going in or out of the store where we were selling the flowers (a flower for any donation) check out my leg braces, my wheelchair, my wheelchair gloves, and my outfit (I had dressed that morning not knowing what I was doing in the afternoon in a pink T shirt, a pink and brown skirt, brown leggings, pink socks (I have to wear socks with my AFOs) and then white and pink sneakers- not what they expected for a chick in a chair).

The funniest and saddest thing to me is that if I were to post that rent a gimp add anywhere, I can almost guarantee I would be contacted by someone seriously wanting to rent a gimp to bring in more money for their organization, or themselves. I was mocking how people react differently, that pity instinct, but it is so real I am sure peope would want to capitalize upon it if given the chance. LOL Another business venture wasted...
3 comments:

I love the color combination of pink and brown...I do wish I could of seen some pictures, hint hint, nudge,nudge....
As far as renting a gimp-- Well I'd rent you to show up for all IEP meetings --heck I'd even get some streamers for the wheels on your chair-- that way not only would you make a WONDERFUL addition to the table, but your entrance would put everyone in a trance where they would do every thing you tell them... oh, wait my IEP meeting went that way,
because of you--
was it hard to find the socks that you need under the AFO's?


My feet have always been unusually small - I used to wear a size 6-7 shoe, so the socks that best fit me are girls knee socks. Regular knee socks from the woman's department end up with the heel half way up the back of my leg. For winter, I have some tube socks from the boys department that are warmer, but plain white. I also usually have to buy gloves in the girls department in the winter because my hands are smaller than standard too.


Dark humor - helps to put a word to it. There's that level of humor that can only work among those who know - hence inside jokes. Among therapists there is a thin line of humor like that, too - more PinC (vs. PC) than dark.

I see (from the previous post) how you might expect to get calls for 'rent-a-gimp' but I honestly think you'd go hungry in that business. Stacey has a good idea - being a professional special ed parent advocate.

Veterans are a good cause. Barbara


Job 8:21

"He will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy."



Blog Info

To read a post, just click on the title for that day's post and you will be taken to the entire journal entry. If you click on the photograph, you will see that picture enlarged.

Wild Olive

Wild Olive

BlogHer

BlogHer.com Logo

Creative Victory

This is Me

I am a thirty year old enigma who has defied every expectation ever placed upon me and refused every definition created for me. My greatest passion in life is to make a difference in the lives of children with special needs and their families. As a special education teacher I broke all of the unwritten rules to make sure that my kids received the services they needed and had a right to receive. I have never been so proud to be reprimanded before in my life. Now, due to unpredictable twists in life, I am learning first hand what life is like when you rely upon a wheelchair for mobility. I am a medical puzzle with the pieces slowly being identified and put together, and my medical bills alone could fund a small nation. It takes a village to keep me alive. :) However, I am not defined by the genetic misspellings. I am a teacher, a daughter, an aunt, a friend, a dreamer, a reader, an amateur photographer, a writer, an advocate, a star gazer, a world changer. I am stubborn, situationally shy, quick to use humor and wit to make others laugh or cope with a situation, sarcastic, fiercely independent, giving, compassionate (sometimes to a fault), protective of those I love, defiant of arbitrary boundaries, perfectionistic, self conscious, self assured (yes you can be both!), articulate and occasionally dramatic. And that is just what I could fit in two sentences! :)

Who's On First, What's On Second, I Don't Know! (Third Base!!)*

Simple Vocabulary Definitions for those who may not speak fluent medical :)

Undiagnosed Progressive Neurological Disorder- This is the diagnosis that is believed to make everything else fit together. It explains my frequent infections, my muscle weakness and dystonia, my dysautonomia, my cardiac issues, my inability to regulate blood pressure, my dysphagia, my ataxia, my severe fatigue, my extreme nausea, my gastrointestinal dysmotility and IBS like syndrome, my unbelievable migraines, my sensory changes in my arms and legs, my vision issues, my hearing loss (so much for blaming medication), and so much more. Going back to infancy and childhood, this would explain the severe apnea, the significantly delayed motor skills, the reason why I could never keep up with my peers in physical activities, the neurogenic bladder, the malfunctioning thyroid, and my frequent illnesses and vomiting. This is the diagnosis now being used since the DNA testing for Mitochondrial Disease came back odd and I can not afford the expenses of a workup at the Mayo Clinic. We are treating symptomatically.

Pan-Dysautonomia- "Pan" means that it impacts many different systems of my body, "dysautonomia" is a failure of my autonomic nervous system or the part of my brain that does all of the automatic things that do not require conscious thought like telling your heart to beat, regulating your blood pressure, adjusting your body temperature, maintaining balance in space, digesting food, hunger and thirst, etc. It is believed that I have had this from birth based upon my history of symptoms, including severe life threatening apnea as an infant, but the cause remains elusive at this time

Dystonia- abnormal muscle tone and spasticity, including painful spasms, that primarily impacts my feet and lower legs and is now starting to be a problem in my back

Ataxia- difficulty maintaining balance and coordinating/executing movements

Dysphagia- difficulty swallowing due to any number of causes including muscle weakness and poor muscle coordination

Adipsia- the absence of a sense of thirst



Other Medical Issues- Lupus Anticoagulant (autoimmune disease that causes me to tend to form blood clots and has already caused two deep vein blood clots and one mild stroke), Migraines, unknown connective tissue disorder, abnormal gastric motility, allergies, history of v-tach and severe sinus tachycardia, changes to my echocardiagram that include leaking valves and a new murmur, low blood pressure, ataxia, untreated PFO (small hole in my heart that increases the risk of stroke), chronic lymphadema in my left arm, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Narcolepsy/Idiopathic CNS Hypersomnolance (believed to be a result of the dysautonomia and my brain's inability to regulate the sleep/wake cycle), mild hearing loss, malformed optic nerves, polycystic ovarian syndrome, pernicious anemia, vitamin deficiencies


* Title comes from an old Abbot and Costello routine that I chose to memorize in 6th grade and absolutely love.
There was an error in this gadget

Labels